Making My Own Successes (with CLI)

Society teaches that, not necessarily for free, but with effort, it is all possible. Therefore, if success (in terms of work, relationships, appearance, social status, money…) can be achieved, people also take the forefront of blame for being poor, ugly, unemployed, or single. A “looser” is someone who failed where they could succeed, lack of effort usually deemed the culprit. My reading disability growing up meant that no matter how much time I practiced lines beforehand I still stumbled horribly reading aloud in class; I saved up and bought a designer shirt so I could fit in with my wealthier classmates yet still felt out-of-style; I wore sports bras because my boobs made me feel fat. I was especially anxious and self-conscious when I made efforts to change yet the supposed outcome from studying more or wearing certain clothes was not my reality. There is a correlation between a society that tells its citizens that they can achieve anything and one where they feel like “losers”. I could have spent a lot of physical and emotional energy on things that I was good at instead.

You try and be realistic, but who joins the Peace Corps not somewhat idealistic, romanticizing changing the world? The reality is working and living in poverty and inequality means change and achievements come slowly. 27 months and you have little to show—loser. In Cartagena, instead of focusing on, no matter how hard I try, the English my students do not speak, the teachers who did not show up for the meeting, the NGO that doesn’t want my help, I have found that I am most successful/fulfilled when I put my energy into creating my own projects and therefore things that I directly control and depend on how much work I put in. After seven months of being in-site, I can say that it is all starting to come together and get easier. Many ideas and projects are getting off the ground; however, the one I have spent the most of my energy has been this girls’ leadership group…

“Chicas Lideres Indesoristas” (INDESOR is the name of my school), or CLI, as the girls have named themselves, has been a big success! With ten weeks under our belt we still have a group of 20 girls who are coming back every week to spend time together and to learn and grow as young women and leaders. Goes to show how far hard work and personal connections can go even without resources or funding. I do wish I could afford more supplies for my girls or take them outside of school, but with the (expected) funding from a Peace Corps grant that should kick in soon, this group is about to become incredibly legit. The possibilities unlimited.

We finished our “body image” unit with a Zumba class! Ervelyne is woman-extroidanire: professional translator who on the side is a scuba diving and Zumba instructor. (Zumba started in Colombia and is an exercise/dance class.) I am a regular at her free Zumba classes and thought of her infectious charisma and energy as perfect to drive-home the importance of exercise to my girls who live where female sport/exercise culture are basically non-existent. She agreed to come to my neighborhood, or “barrio” to give a class. Not only did she drive over an hour to make it here, but it was nevertheless her birthday. The girls were a bit shy at first, but in no time their Colombian roots won over and they were dropping their booties and shimming like they had been brought up to do. Amazing. We were all a sweaty mess at the end.

The experience was so positive for all that we hope to invite Zumba to our barrio every couple of weeks. Furthermore, every Sunday the normal studio where we dance is replaced by a crowded, outdoor plaza in the center of Caragena and with 100 people either dancing or watching. We’re talking of bringing my girls to “Zumba en la Plaza” once a month, not only to dance and connect to others different that those where we live, but also to potentially ask for donations for the group.

I am undoubtedly leading the group, making connections with those in the community, reading through countless materials, planning activities and discussions, organizing meetings (and being stood-up), figuring out our budget, and writing the grant. The beginning is always the most difficult; getting people to find your project important between a myriad of busy and ever-changing schedules is challenging. It’s frustrating and time consuming work, but seeing what these girls (who come from some poor families, dangerous neighborhoods and rough home lives) so happy and engaged makes it all worth it. Again, it is finally starting to gain momentum and when we get the money, it’s gonna be off the hook. Last week we started our unit on “sexual health” and it was the first week where I planned none of the activities… progress. Yonathan, a man I met who volunteers for an organization called “Gente Joven” and who I brought to a week-long Project Design and Management Peace Corps conference in July led the discussion of what defines and impacts sexuality. The girls seem to be getting very comfortable around each other and spoke openly.

It is impossible to have a society of people who all achieve the pre-established notion of perfection, who all are ‘successful’. Regardless, do we want to live, breath and be a cookie-cutter image? Hard work and effort are necessary, but we should base our successes and failures less on the judgments of others and more on our own values and personal capacities. A street vendor just as successful as a CEO. A supermodel just as valid as someone obese. Spend less energy feeling anxious of our weaknesses and more on using our strengths. “We should not give up on our ideas of success, but make sure that they are our own… that we truly own them.”-Alain de Botton